I have already given my spiel of the various and sundry side effects I have with chemo.  I will not re-hash that, but will update.  Insomnia is still horrific.  I am now taking two separate pills to help me sleep.  They sort of work.  I still turn red, just not as bright.  I have lost my hair, even the stubble.  I grow real fine ‘milk mustache’ type hair that I buzz off every week or so.  My head is very smooth.  I have also lost hair in places that I was told I would not lose hair!  My eyebrows and eyelashes are thinner.  I have lost hair on my arms, legs, knuckles (yes, I did have hairy knuckles), hands, and other regions of my anatomy as well.  I really did not think hair loss would this traumatic!  Even the cat is laughing at how much I shed!

Multiple chemo trips does take its’ toll.  I am very tired, don’t have much energy, but I can’t sleep.  So, I piddle around the house and get a little done, catch up on some stuff, and may get larger tasks done later in  the week and generally post run-on sentences.  Debbi claims I am irritable and cranky, but I still think that is just her. 

Am I just apathetic.  Do I just not care?  I’m not sure.  I just have not been in a posting mood of late.  That is a shame as I do have lots to say.  We are starting to get EOBs from insurance for my chemo treatments in December.  I guess they take awhile to process.  Well, I can certainly understand why insurance balked at the rituxan.  I would even understand if a doctor, rather than an accountant, balked at it.  One dose (500ml) is $12,495.  That is somewhere in the neighborhood of $90,000/gallon.  How would you like to fill up your car with that?  Now insurance did approve the drug, and I am receiving the drug.  I just can understand, just a little bit, as to why they did a double take the first time.  The total bill for each round of chemo is about $16,000.  Add in all rounds of chemo, multiple CT scans, PT scans, the medi-port….this cancer will cost insurance about what I paid for my first house.  As much as I hate insurance at times, it is a good thing.  I think the system is broken and needs to be fixed, but it is a good thing.

I needed a couple of items from Costco, so yesturday I volanteered to go.  Debbi added a couple of other items onto the list.  No biggie.  The next time I volanteer to go to Costco on Saturday, please shoot me.  OMG!  Downtown Cairo, which I have seen many times, is more orderly and less congested than Costco.  I have now witnessed ‘cart rage.’  No where else can you see three people rounding a corner, with the person in the outside lane jockying for postion.  NASCAR has nothing on these people.  The best part is that these three people, rounding the corner at full speed, are running into seven other carts.  No one bothers to move their cart out of the way anymore.  It is SUCH a bother.  I’ll just leave itn the middle of the freakin’ aisle and let people go around me.  People can’t go around you because the EMTs are performing CPR on a 2-year old that was run over by three different carts.  Are the $18 swim suits really that important?  The food samples, sure!  But the swim suits?  Of course the EMTs really are doing nothing to do because they need parental approval, and the parents are three aisle down and have no clue where their child is.  I quickly figured out that racing down the aisles behind the freezers is the way to go.  Three checkout lines seems to be about the average too, so checkout only took 45 minutes or so.  I cound’t figure out if I was at Costco or Dick’s Last Resort!  GIMME YOUR CARD!!!  WE TAKE AMERICAN EXPRESS ONLY, NOT MASTERCARD OR VISA.  WELL, VISA CHECK CARDS ARE OKAY!!!  YES, THESE 45 PEIRCINGS ARE REAL!!   Such friendly service.  I like Costo, just not on Saturdays.

I have had writer’s block, or apathy.  I have not had anything witty or pithy to write about.  Well, I do now…

Indescribable.  That is a good word for tonight.  We had a night of worship tonight, and boy was it worship.  This is all connected to the Genesis study we are doing at church.  Part of tonight’s worship was a video from evangelistic Louis Giglio.  The video focused on astronomy, galaxies, nebulae and stuff like that.  One of the galaxies is called the Whirlpool Galaxy.  It is almost completely normal (perpendicular) to us, so we get a good view of it.  The Hubble has taken many amazing photos of it.  Scientists then pointed the Hubble at the black hole center of the Whirlpool Galaxy.  The photo that came back is called the ‘X-Structure of the Whirlpool Galaxy.”  Really?  Is that what you call it?  That’s not what I call it.  I’ll let you decide what to call it:

I have a passion for space, space flight, space craft, space invaders, and other things space.  I have never seen that photo until tonight.  I am surprised I have missed it.  From the indescribable structure of a living cell to a black hole that is measured in light years.  There is a God, and I am not it.  I leave you with another picture from the Hubble.  This one is called the Hubble Ultra Deep Field.  (I have seen this one and already knew of it.  I am just sharing.)  This is an ultra long exposure picture that took about six months to take.  Scientist focused on a dark part of sky for this picture.  The field of view is the equivalent of a piece of paper 1/32″ square three feet away, or 1/13,000,000 of the night sky.  They estimate there are about 10,000 galaxies in this picture of empty, dark night sky.  There are no foreground stars from the Milky Way in this picture, so everything you see is a galaxy.

Yes, there is a God, and I am not it.

Uhhhh…no…thanks…..I’ll pass.  I made the trek down to UT Southwestern Aston Center today for a CT Scan.  The last one required a barium shake for it.  This one did not!  Yeah!  I found out that the barium is only for abdomen scans.  This scan was for neck and chest only.  They accessed the PowerPort to install the contrast.  I am getting pretty used to that.  I should get results right before my next chemo treatment on Monday.

So what gets me out of writer’s slump for the past three weeks?  New Years?  My son’s birthday?  A cure for cancer?  Nope, none of it.  Star Trek of course.

Ricardo Montalban, James T. Kirk’s finest foe has passed on.  He will always be Khan to me.  The megalomaniac who stole the Enterprise and then almost destroyed it 15 years later.  Kirk never had an adversary as worthy as Khan.

I leave with this wonderful quote from Khan:

To the last, I will grapple with thee…from Hell’s heart, I stab at thee! For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee!

I hope you and yours have (had) a great Christmas.  I hope nothing was delayed, but if it was, this may be the reason:

This may be another:

…well today.  I was originally told my hair would fall out 15-17 days after my first chemo treatment.  Today is day 16.  My hair loss is nothing if not punctual.  I have always said, “I would rather have my hair turn gray than turn loose.”  Well, it has turned loose.  (with some chemical help)  Boy, did it turn loose.  I was pulling it out by the fistfuls today.  It did not even hurt, just came right on out.  I even thought about sprinkling some on my lunch just to get a free lunch, but thought otherwise.  Debbi noticed a few new bald spots when I got home from work, so I broke out the clippers.  I am not really interested in the ‘mange’ look.

The first thing I trimmed was any and all facial hair.  Yep, that hair was loose too.  I then ran the clippers across my head with the #1 attachment.  Debbi helped me get the back and the left side.  The bald spots were still pretty noticeable, and not looking too good.  I took off the attachment and scalped myself.  Once again, Debbi helped with the back and left side.  What hair I have left is about 1/32″ long.  The bald spots are there, but do not look too bad.  Now I can go out in public and not look too mangy.  The stubble that I have will fall out in the next couple days, I have just helped it along and made it better looking.  The final act was to blade shave my face, so it truly is smooth.  Pics to follow shortly.

Chemo.  Now there’s a fun word.  Lemme tell ya about it.

First off, it could have certainly been worse, much worse.  That being said, it could have been better too.  Here are some of the highlights, and lowlights of chemo:

• Digestive issues:  Yep, I had ‘em.  They took about a week or so to hit me.  I did have quite a bit of nausea, but I never bolted for the bathroom or the trashcan.  Grade:C
• Color changes:  Yep, had those too.  I turned a really cool bright red on days 2 & 3 after chemo.  I did not itch, peel, or burn.  I just changed color.  I am glad I did not look like Papa Smurf.  My urine also changed color too, but I’ll let you imagine that one.  I’ll forgo any details.  Grade: A+  I changed color dude!
• Fog:  A mind is a terrible thing to waste, and mine is in a fog right now.  I was in a total fog my first day back at work.  I did not trust myself driving until a week after chemo.  It gets better with time.  I just wonder what the cumulative effect is.  Now, what was I posting about…..?  grade:D
• Insomnia:  I have enough problems with this without chemo.  Yuck.  I was on sleeping pills and still up for more than half the night.  Couple that with a foggy brain and it just ain’t fun.  Grade: F
• Stamina:  Yep, I had the strength to sit around the house all day and maybe even paint some furniture too.  I did a couple small odd jobs but that was it.  I could not have survived a day at the office.  The good news is that I didn’t have to survive that day.    Did the chemo zap me or was I just exhausted from the previous night’s lack of sleep.  Grade: B
• Mood swings:  Debbi claims that I am more irritable and grumpy.  I don’t see it.  It must be her problem.
• Food cravings:  I have been very careful to eat only what my body wants and not to force the issue.  I am also trying to still eat a South Beach friendly diet.  So, of course, my body wants carbs.  Lots and lots of carbs.  I have a couple of salads, but rabbit food just doesn’t do it for me.  I have been eating fruits still.  If I don’t want it, I don’t eat it.  Grade: B
• Hair:  What little hair I have, I still have.  But not for long.  I was warned that my hair would fall out between day 15 and 17.  Well, Merry Christmas to you too!  My hair should start falling out Christmas Eve if it holds too the schedule.  I have noticed that my beard is growing very, very slow right now.  It has almost completely stopped growing.  Once it starts, I plan on helping it.  I will look like a bowling ball pretty soon.  I will be as sharp as one too.  Grade: Incomplete

Overall Grade: C  Chemo could certainly be better.  It could also be much worse.  The only fear (is fear itself) is what the cumulative effects are.  If this is as bad as it gets, then the doctors are right.  This is the cancer you want to get.

Today was my first day back at work following chemo.  I have been dreading this day just because of the toll it would have on me.  Chemo could have certainly been worse on me, but it does have an effect.  I am tired, worn out, beat down and sort of walking in a fog.  That is not exactly the condition to be in for work.  That being said, I plodded off to work this morning and arrived at about my usual time.  I have a good view of my desk area from the employee entrance.  I noticed a purple balloon at my desk.  I thought that was nice.  Purple is the awareness color for Hodgkin’s Disease.  (For those of you who don’t know)  I got to my desk and saw it had a card attached to it.  Upon opening the card, four purple wristbands fell out.  One for each member of my family.  I bought two wristbands during my last MD Anderson trip, but Debbi’s broke Sunday night.  That is perfect timing.  I was almost brought to tears at the the thought that they put into this.  I do not recall the exact words on the card, but it certainly was full of support.  I later learned that there will be a shipment this week of more bands for just about anyone who wants one.  My guess is in the neighborhood of 200 or so!  Okay, now I really am about to cry.  There will be enough bands for anyone at work who wants one with enough left over for me to hand out to friends at church and such.  I was (am?) completely floored by this.  Many thanks to the people that pulled this off.