“I am Locutus of Borg. Resistance is futile. Your life, as it has been, is over. From this time forward, you will service us.” Jean-Luc Picard as Locutus, Star Trek TNG
Today was assimilation day. I took the second step to becoming Borg. Step one was having lasers reshape my corneas over eight years ago. We had a little communication error and left a tad late. I was a tad stressed. Traffic was not good and we had to re-route due to a wreck on the Tollway. We showed up about seven minutes late. That is not too bad. I was pretty happy with it actually. The first half hour was just hospital check in and insurance type stuff.Â
We went up to the cardiac cath lab on the 6th floor and were escorted to our room at about 9:50 or so. We quickly found out that this was room for the day and Debbi was welcome to stay. She quickly made herself at home by breaking out lists, computers, power cords, bags of Christmas letters, and that was just from her purse. I was in the room for maybe 45 minutes or so before being wheeled into the OR. During that time I stated my name and birthday to a baker’s dozen people, got my IV started, and was explained what the operation was by a doctor who spoke English as his sixth language. I understood about every eighth word. Luckily I had already researched it on Al Gore’s internet.
Being wheeled down the hallway was kind of a surreal experience. I just saw 2×4 fluorescent light fixtures zipping by. I was warned it would be cold in there. It was. Yikes. The OR had a lot of cool gadgets, gizmos, and other toys. I could have some fun in there. I moved onto the bed after being told, “Shimmy onto the bed. If you reach the floor, you went too far.” I like quirkiness. Even more quirky was music, they had some. I have never been in an operating room with music. I did have to question the choice of, “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” by Bob Dylan. That just did not seem right. I also heard a very cool arrangement of Mason Williams, “Classical Gas.”
I got my upper right chest shaved by a 59 year old tech who looks about 49. He used a ‘tacky surgical mitt’ to pick up the shavings. I just call it a lint brush. The prep time took almost longer than the procedure. They gave me a couple shots of litocaine and started to work. I felt some pain and thought it was just another litocaine shot. Nope, they were cutting. Glad I mentioned it to them. I was warned that I would feel a lot of pressure during the procedure. Nope. I think I even fell asleep during it, but not too sure. After a short time I was back in our room. Maybe 50 minutes had passed. It was now 11:30 and they said I could leave in an hour. That was great news.
They brought me in something to drink and box lunch with a turkey sandwich. Nothing like Thanksgiving leftovers. I felt a little out of sorts, but that is what happens after four doses of Verced. We waited the hour, my IV was removed, along with some hair, I was given discharge instructions, and we waited for transportation. No one is allowed to walk out of a hospital. Lawyers have deemed that one necessary. We waited. It took about 20 minutes. Debbi had not had lunch during this, so we stopped off at El Fenix for some Tex-Mex. I got home about 2:30, and went into the bedroom to rest at about 3:30. The kids woke me up at about 4:15. I have some residual pain, but all in all it has been fine. I don’t recommend this for just anyone though.
The port will be in me for about 8 months or so. Once I get a clean bill of health they will take it out. I will just be a normal human then.
